Monday, November 7, 2011

I need a moment



Well, it is here, at last. Tomorrow morning, at 9:30 AM. 50 years old. No longer an old young person, but now, a young old person.

Ambivalent. Yes, that is it. How else to describe this sensation. I worried at 30, fought it at 40 (wore an actual black arm band, and everything!) , and now, 50... doesn't seem like anything, at all.

There is this sense of accomplishment. Things feel better than they used to feel. I am more comfortable in my own skin now than I have ever been. Being less than 50 now seems to have been a wasted effort. Oh, to have had this mindset from the beginning! How nice it would have been!

It is not until tomorrow morning, I know, but the change has been starting since the middle of October. This sort of a relaxed, don't give a dayum feeling. I have big plans, now, to begin an 'enjoyment campaign'; something that Andy Rooney could have never done. Unlike him, I can get still. I can not have to have every dollar that is out there! I can be contented with what things I have...


The first 50 years were for others. The next 50, should they go anywhere near that far, are for me. It is the coolest sensation. It really is. To know that, in a couple of years, I will be considered too old to work! Ha ha! Oh, please! That will be so rich!

I intend to revel in this sensation; this laid back-edness. It is the new deal. I have enough toys, and I have enough experiences now to let off the gas, and coast. I did not plan to feel this way, nor have I any idea from whence this unusual sensation has approached me. It's just here. And it is not unwelcome.

I have done basically what I said I was going to do, even though I have never yet experienced the ice-cold gatorade bath of fame. But I have done it all, as far as I could get it to work. And I have not done too badly, either.

There is only one other time I have ever experienced a similar sensation, and that was getting out of high school. Graduation. It lasted for about two days, and then the raft went down the rapids, again, very fast... for the next 32 years...

Now, that sensation has returned, once more... and if I don't ever do anything else, I plan to make sure it stays, this time. I don't know how I ever got along without it.

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